Book #3 in the BAM challenge is “You Can Read Anyone — Never be fooled, lied to, or taken advantage of again” by David Lieberman. This was an quick read once I addressed an issue I'll describe in a sec, but this a book I'd refer back to from time to time and pick out another little skill to incorporate into my arsenal. Packed with small examples of the technique being described it was easy to turn the page. but since there are so many tricks and tips it made me want to take notes a ton! This book led me to reevaluate how I absorb the material and write about it after. Taking notes made getting through a book 3 times as long and did not motivate me to sit down for another session. It started to feel very book-reporty. Instead of physically writing down interesting things I’m going to start marking up my books or using little sticky notes to reference.
Check out previous months!
Month 2: The American Spirit
Notes - until I stopped taking them ha!
Section 1: The 7 Basic Questions. Learn how to quickly find out what anyone is thinking or feeling in any situation or circumstance
1) Is This Person Hiding Anything?
->If you're suspicious of someone, there are 3 options:
- Confront Them
- Ignore Situation
- Gather more info, but don't snoop!
Technique 1: Mind Reader - Ask a Q that doesn't accuse, but alludes to the situation, then gauge response
Technique 2: Paging Dr. Bombay - Present 3 options and see which one they're most interested in
Technique 3: What do you think? - Don't accuse, inform.. the response will tell you if they're hiding something
Technique 4: Dodge or Declare - Attach something you know is true but completely unrelated, if they try to hide or deny what you is true then something's up
Technique 5: Fear of Folly - When stakes are high, inform suspect & a confidant they are suspects & attach an unwelcome quality. If person is concerned then likely innocent.
Technique 6: How would you do it? - Ask them, if they come up with out of the box answer, they are hiding something
2) Thumbs Up or Down: Does He Like It or Not
Technique 1: The Ghost Image
- Pavlov's dog, conditioned reflex
- Pair the situation with a neutral stimulus & merely observe his "feelings" towards stimulus
- if favorable -> Positive about previous unknown
- if unusual dislike -> unpleasant feelings from original stimuli
Technique 2: All the World is a Reflection
- Cheating BF accuses girl of cheating
- Transitive property - A=B, B=C, then A=C
- using correlated info - 1 or 2 steps removed from original question - penetrate real attitude without them thinking there giving away their true feelings
Technique 3: Language Lessons - Language powerfully affects & impacts how we perceive & feel about what we hear
- In a subtle & sometimes (sub)conciously, the language a person uses reveals if he is concerned you won't like, accept, or believe the news
Technique 4: Positive Markers - Make positive, subjective suggestions to allow & see how/if they attach themselves to the marker
3. Is She Confident or Just Trying to Play it Cool
- There's a difference between self confidence & self esteem.
- Confidence = Effective , Self Esteem = Liking Yourself
- Don't observe confidence, look for signs intended to give impression of confidence
- fight or flight
- trembling voice or body
- difficulty swallowing
- vocal changes
- Determining Focus - un-confident people must focus on things they know they can do.. hyper aware
- unconscious incompetence
- conscious incompetence
- conscious competence
- unconscious competence
- Perception Management - want to appear confident
- Sign 1: overcompensation - reacting too quickly & assuredly, unnecessarily trying to regain psychological advantage
- Sign 2: superfluous gestures - yawning to seem relaxed, trying to look the part
- Squeezing Signs
- when we lack confidence & threat levels increase, insecurities show even more
- reduce odds of success & see if he's squeezed or bothered
- **confident people aren't concerned w/ their image, they want you to understand, un-confident care about image
4) How Are Things... Really?
Sign 1: The Power of Perspective - People's mood reflects past experience & affects future results... good w/ good & bad w/ bad.. you're on a roll!
- Ways your mood is affected - 3 types
- Personal Specific - an experience you had directly
- Personal Non-Specific - something to you but unrelated, a compliment or diss
- Generic - some event affects us.. a plane crash makes us cautious about flying
Technique 2: How is he Feeling? - If they speak optimistically they're positive or in good fortune. If negative, pessimistic or bad fortune
Technique 3: Contradiction - Physical gestures don't match words
- timing is off
- head moves mechanically
- emotional gesture timing/duration seem off
Technique 4: A Clean Slate - More optimism about future, more forgiving of past, optimism to move forward or frustrated & dwells on past
Technique 5: Eye Accessing Cues - Which direction a person drifts when thinking can tell you what types of thoughts they're having, if lying